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Will Anyone Want to Date Me After a Brain Injury?

Will Anyone Want to Date Me After a Brain Injury?

Comments [13]

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Hey guys--It's Adam, and one of the things I hear a lot in the TBI community is trouble finding a relationship, troubles finding a girl or a guy after sustaining a traumatic brain injury, whether it's combat-related or otherwise, a lot of people feel differently about themselves. They have different confidence levels. One of the things that I really believe firmly in is kind of phasing in that approach, going outside of your comfort level to kind of force yourself to go out meet people, make social interactions, go to places where you may feel uncomfortable but are generally considered safe-- different social events, things like that. A lot of times when you're in the military, especially the United States Army, you're forced to go forward and kind of push yourself to the limit, push yourself to the edge. What that does is building your self-confidence. It's building your organizational and emotional skills to know that you can go forward and go past what you thought you could do and really strive for success. You've got to take those ambitions and that strategy and apply it to your personal world. So, maybe the goal is to get back to your old confident self, where you could go out and meet people--meet a girl, meet a guy. Really start--strike up a conversation and get a phone number out of it. So, applying those same strategies--You're not going to do it overnight. So, if your goal is to just back to normal, you're going to want to start going slow. So, start by going out--maybe that means going to a restaurant, maybe it means going with your family or friends out to a movie or to some kind of outdoor event. Maybe it just means going for a walk in the park. So, that's something that you've got to start off slow doing. Over time, if you keep applying those principles of pushing yourself to the edge and really going as far as you can to maintain control of yourself, that's going to be the way that you're eventually going to get back to your old confident self. Who knows, you'll be in a relationship before you know it. So, try it out and let's see how it goes--thanks!

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Having a brain injury can sometimes make people feel differently about themselves, perhaps less confident, which can make meeting people challenging. Adam recommends slowly pushing yourself to engage in social activities ... and gaining back some confidence.

 
Adam profile thumbnail

Hi, I’m Adam Anicich

I’m a former Army Sergeant, a Department of Veterans Affairs employee, a service-disabled vet, and someone with a brain injury. I’m here to share my story with you — along with some practical tips — and I hope that I can help you in your own journey of recovery.

Learn more about Adam >

 

Comments [13]

In 2008 I was in a near fatal accident and I was put in a coma for two months. I had to relearn how to walk plus I lost my left leg because of the car wreck. Later in 2013, I got a divorce. I am looking for a woman that has a TBI like me so we could be able to understand each other better.

Jan 19th, 2017 3:01pm

I suffered from a TBI accident 7 years ago. I was on an apartment building roof top one friday night during my 3rd year in college. I lost my balance and fell 35 ft. I was in the hospital for about a month. Then into rehab for 3 months. I'm living on my own now and have a part-time job but it's hard to find a guy who my age who can understand what I went through and my complications.

Oct 3rd, 2016 11:20pm

People with TBI can be violent but most of them like anyone goes through a process of learning again. Tools tools and more tools will help them find that patience and lack of fear (for me it's the high emotions and #1 is the fear!) to react normally and just like everyone else. 'Tis kinda like being a kid again and going through things for the first time, sometimes over and over again. There is also a frustration of why you may not have the same skills as those in your age group. The best thing is to keep at it and learn from your not so successful moments. Remember that you were injured and you have to rehab your brain just like any other body part, this one is just a bit more challenging. But so very worth it!

Oct 3rd, 2016 6:21pm

Our son had a TBI at the age of 15, he is now 47, He has asked about dating. He has 24 hrs supervision, but can walk, talk etc. As for hygiene, he takes care of himself. Just so lonely.

Sep 28th, 2016 3:00pm

I've had a TBI going on 21 years now. My advice to those who also have a TBI be patient and don't rush into a relationship. Yes it may be lonely but it is well worth the wait so many take advantage of people who have this injury. I myself have time and time again been taken advantage of. Not only in dating but also throughout my last marriage. I have been on my own now for 10 years with help. And I will wait patiently for the person God has for me.

Jun 9th, 2016 10:38pm

For the non-TBI person, read all you can on TBI, go slow, and be patient. Even though my 3 year relationship ended abruptly, I would do it again with some changes. I wouldn't be afraid to call him on the carpet like anyone else. I would ask some of the hard questions earlier. I will admit that this relationship was one of the hardest things I've gone through - because how some folks with a TBI might react or respond isn't always going to line up with what society calls the norm. Lots of patience on both sides will be needed as you get used to the other one - lots of patience... but it's worth it.

Feb 28th, 2016 10:32pm

I've met a very sweet man with TBI...and nothing that he's told me, so far, would scare me away, except that he said he has had problems with being violent when he's too upset.  I can't tell you how much I respect him, in words.  But it makes me nervous that he might be violent.  We haven't met in person yet, and it's all very new...but I like him...a lot.  I'm very conflicted about meeting him, though.  

Jan 3rd, 2016 3:46am

Yes, people will want to date you! My boyfriend of three years suffered a TBI, and while things changed and were difficult to adjust to, you can make it work! We are happier than ever. Just make sure your significant other knows you need patience above all else

May 26th, 2015 5:20pm

TBI 7-6-19,wife divorced myself,had to re-learn EVERYTHING!walk,talk clearly,drive....so on... dating now.....well,different story,I've been going out and traveling by myself,speech is improving,also walking!i drive legal now!just waiting for next piece to fall into place

Apr 14th, 2015 8:31pm

I am a female with a tbi. Car accident, fall. It is difficult to believe I can find someone when I have a mild tbi. I worked in mental health for years, now cannot. Thank you for starting the conversation.

Sep 20th, 2014 5:29pm

5, 2014 9:54 PM CDT Just a few weeks ago, I met the man of my dreams. Sadly, he suffers from PTSD and TBI due to an explosion that he was victim to while serving. He has depression and social anxiety, so it's been difficult getting through to him lately. But just during the few wonderful times we've spent together, I truly know he's the one for me. He's had a hard time dating because a lot of women don't see past his challenges. I do. I can see straight into his heart. And there I see the most loving, kind, intelligent, funny, creative, gentle, brave and handsome man I've ever met in my life. I know he's going through a very hard time right now...I pray for him every single day, morning and night. He's always on my mind. I won't ever give up on him or ever stop praying for his full recovery and restoration. I would give anything to hear him laugh, see his amazing smile and stare into his beautiful brown eyes again. One day with him would be worth a lifetime of waiting... Ashley A

Jul 7th, 2014 11:58pm

Thank you for serving and i was in a coma 21 days and my mood changes and that is what i need to do know that i am 1 of the very fortunate human life comes and it go's.I need to work on my defects not yours or the next human.............end

Aug 16th, 2013 2:35pm

Adam! Wonderful. I am a social worker for the Army. I often wish I could address the general population (of females:) about being on the receiving end of what you suggest here. Thank you for starting here. I'll stay tuned and use these posts as a resource for my guys!

Sep 18th, 2012 7:14pm

 


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